Off limits

Last night when I was able to crash and burn, I turned on Sex In The City. I know, shocker. It was, however, one of my favorite episodes. It was the episode with the new Yankee. The episode that starts out talking about a breakup. Carrie's narrating about all the off limit places, streets, restaurants etc. and the times that you shouldn't be going after the breakup for fear of running into your ex.

I couldn't help but feel that is true. I know that if I leave my house 10 minutes late, I run the risk of passing my brother in law on the road. The two or three times I have, I've flipped him off. I don't care if he saw me do it, it was just a great sense of relief and a feel good moment.

I haven't been back to my house since I moved out. I don't want to go back but I know I have to get the remainder of my things. But my friends live down the street. I don't have to go by the house but I get panic attacks when I make that turn. I don't want to see him. I don't want to face them. Just knowing I'm in the vicinity is enough.

I've also found myself wanting to keep moving while I'm in town during rush hour. If I get caught at a light, I'm constantly looking to make sure he's not near me. When I've been at the gym, the treadmills and elipicals face the major highway in town. Of course, its the one he uses to and from work. I've made it a point of not looking at the cars to see him.

Case in point, last night. I was getting my oil changed at a place on that major highway nearing the danger zone time limit. I kept busy with my phone and made it a point NOT to look at the road.

I've been lucky not to pass him and to only see him once since I filed. When I did see him, I was sick to my stomach. Its not that I'm afraid of him. I just don't want him in my life and as the old saying goes out of sight, out of mind and that is just the way I like it.

I wouldn't mind if he sees me running around town at an off peak time for me. Then I'm like, screw it, let him wonder what I'm doing.

Like tonight for instance, I'm going to dinner and a movie with the boss. I'm going to park my car out front so he can see it. Available parking permitting. Then let him wonder what I'm doing or who I'm with. He would never suspect it would be the boss and I. He would probably make up another lie to make himself feel better.

I just wish I had the new Yankee on my arm.