I drove home in silence

My worst fears came true tonight. I wrote the previous post then saved it to continue later while so a friend and I could go out to eat.

Earlier in the day while we were deciding what to for lunch, I mentioned Chili's. We agreed to go there later after work because last week she saw a "hot" waiter guy there and wanted to try for two weeks in a row. I said I wondered if my soon to be ex kept up our Wednesday night tradition of going there.

We met there at 5:30. I asked her, you remember what my ex looks like and she said yeah. 90 min later we were wrapping up our meal when she said, He's here. I looked behind me and bam there he was. All the emotions that I feared I would feel, I did. I was paralyzed. Semi freaking out. The moment I most dreaded was here. We were mere feet from each other, except he was in the bar area and we were at the table by the hostess stand.

He had to know I was there. First off, I parked my car right out front and secondly, you had no choice but to see me when you walked in. Then came me asking my friend every 5 seconds, did they look over here..she was keeping an eye on them. Then the guy he was with got up to go to the bathroom--he went one way and came back the other completing the circle of the dining area in an obvious attempt to spot me. When I realized it was his best friend, his best man, I put my head down.

It was time to go. I told my friend, if I get up and they look at me -- I'll just wave. However, when it came time to get up and leave. I never looked in their direction. Somehow, it was just too painful to look.

We got to my car and looked for obvious damage just in case. Then I looked for either of their cars. I didn't see either one of them. Which leads me to believe, either his friend got a new car or my ex did. And he obviously has enough money to go out to eat.

I felt sick. I just wish the fuckers would have shown up earlier so I would haven't pigged out on my entree. I wanted to send him an angry text, go to my house, get my stuff, yell and scream at him. The thought, the sight all of it makes me sick.

So sick, I couldn't even move in the car. I just drove, no radio, iPod...just me and the road.