Shock and awe

Its been two full months since I made my guest appearance back at the parents house. I've settled into a routine. I try to be out of the house by 7AM to get to work at a decent time. And today, without even thinking--I did my laundry. See back when I was married I did laundry on Wednesdays and Saturdays like clockwork. Now that the only clothes in the basket are mine, its on an as needed basis. Which is weird. But its not weird, its an adjustment. Either way its Wednesday and I feel good about doing things the "old" way.

I'm on fresh bottles of shampoo, conditioner, face cream etc. just a sign of the times I've been here. I even brought my old table lamp up into my bedroom. Just trying to make it feel like home and its somewhat comforting.

I checked my voice mail this afternoon and go figure the one time I turn my phone off to charge it, my lawyer calls.
Seems as if we might have our first settlement offer.
This scares me.
Why?
Because either they are trying to pull a fast one, hubby realizes there is nothing to fight over, his lawyer is too expensive ( word on the street says she's pricey), he's got someone else or all of the above.
The thing I hate the most is waiting all night to see what is on that paper and to see what I was worth to him.
On the other hand, its a very exciting feeling knowing I'm closer to the end and to being free.
What is worse is that I haven't lost any weight --WTF? I thought you were supposed to drop some dress sizes when you get divorced? I have to get working on that -- NOW.

Over the weekend, I looked at my wedding pictures. I hesitated looking at them not knowing what emotion would come over me. Lately its been a feeling of wasted time and money. Either way, I looked at them. I found that the first pictures I turned to were ones of friends and I. Friends that are lost to heaven or lost over stupid arguements.

What I found was that I miss my friends and the good times the most. Pictures of my bridesmaids and I spinning on the dance floor. It wasn't a wedding, it was a party.
I look at my expressions on my face. The camera never lies. I have looks of uncertainty and fake smiles.

At least I have family pictures. Fake family pictures because I'm in a wedding dress. But I have family pics.

When I got to work this morning, I had one of those joke emails from one of my bridesmaids that I had a falling out with. I emailed her back -- we've been making small conversation but at least I made an attempt.